N. Raghuraman's column: Why it is important to have some selfless and sensible people around us

Liwei gave everything for his children. He worked hard day and night so that the children did not lack anything. He gave up his rest so that the children could have a better life. When the children grew up, had families of their own, and began to live independently, Lee felt that it was finally time for him to live happily. They sold their house and went to live with their son. He felt that he would find enthusiasm and connection among the whole family, grandchildren. But he never found such happiness. The house was full, but his mind was empty. The children began to miss his advice. His presence there was considered meaningless. Their words were listened to reluctantly. The closer Lee tried to get, the farther away the children went. In search of an answer, Lee went to a learned saint and asked, 'Why is it that even after dedicating our whole life to children, we still feel lonely in old age?' That saint, Confucius (born 551 BC-died 479 BC), gave Li three simple lessons instead of consolation. Lesson 1: The saint picked up a vase full of water and asked, "Tell me, what will happen if I put more water in it?" Confucius said, "Relationships are like that. When we try to force ourselves into an already filled space, there is an imbalance. You built a house for the children to grow up, but you want to be the center of it again. Whereas their house already has its own center. They have their own lives, their own children. You are putting yourself in a vessel that has no space left. Lesson 2: The saint showed two trees growing very close to each other. Their branches were tangled together, as they competed for sunshine. "What happens when trees grow too close," he asked, adding, "They interfere with each other, compete with each other." Confucius said, "Do they become stronger? No, but they become weak. Life is like that. We think that very close is unity. But too much proximity brings stress. It is necessary to have space for growth. Lesson 3: With a tight fist full of sand, Confucius asked, "What if I hold it like this?" Confucius said, "Human relationships are like that. Love and respect don't thrive under pressure. The tighter you hold them, the closer you ask for them, the more they will slip out of hand. If you give freedom, then what is really yours will remain. Most importantly, understand that 'when you plant a tree, don't expect it to shade you in old age.' So why expect different things from children? You have raised them not for yourself, but for the world. The world has equal rights over them as you do. Lee understood the point. They returned to their hometowns. He rented a small house near the school and started helping the children. Shared my knowledge with them, taught them, planted trees with them and told stories. Soon people began to call him 'Master'. The less they imposed themselves, the more praise they received. The less attention they asked for, the more they started getting. One day he received a letter from his son – 'Dad, it's been a long time. We miss you. Even the kids ask about you. Come to visit—not to stay, just to spend time together. When the master arrived, he received a warm welcome. For the first time in many years, it seemed to them that they were not burdens, but desired guests. Lee understood that give up hope for love, he will come back to you. The trick is that selfless people can easily solve the biggest difficulties of life. Therefore, like this lesson, their learnings remain relevant for 2500 years and beyond.