Barkha Dutt's column: When is marriage the primary goal for girls?

Why do parents force their daughters to return to abusive, abusive and unhappy marriages? Why is there an insistence that girls get married and then retain it at all costs? Why do at least affluent parents agree to give cars, cash and gold to buy their daughters' happiness? When will we stop making marriage a primary goal for women? Girls brought up in a culture that is always more prone to violence and abuse, with a greater priority being given to finding a good guy than a better job. We have all seen this in the case of the tragic death of 28-year-old makeup artist and content creator Nikki Bhati living in Greater Noida. But despite such tragedies, are we asking the questions we should be asking? If a woman wants to break off an abusive relationship, should the family have a role to play in supporting her? Will we continue to treat divorce as a social stigma even if our daughters die? Or if they don't die, they spend the rest of their lives in misery. Do you know that Nikki Bhati returned to her maternal home six months ago after being beaten up by her husband Vipin Bhati? But she was again ordered to live with her husband. Today, his mother says he made a big mistake. Her sister Kanchan says that if Nikki had been allowed to break the marriage, she would have been alive today. But the fault of a woman's parents begins with the culture of give-and-take. Often, the very idea of pompous Indian marriages becomes a respectful social cover for the demands made by the bride. Even people who barely survive take loans for the marriage of their daughters. Middlemen become a means of transaction for dowry. Nikki Bhati's parents also gave a Scorpio, gold and cash. Yet more was allegedly being demanded from them. Under Indian law, both giving and taking dowry are crimes. I understand the pain of parents who have lost their children due to abuse. But families will also have to think about what prevents them from protecting their daughters from marital violence. If for them the need for acceptance in society is greater than the betterment of the child, then they are also criminals. Discussions on when and how society and its attitudes will change can continue. But the law can't wait for it. The law will now have to take its own course. Nikki Bhati's case was not the only one in the headlines regarding dowry violence. I spoke to Mayank, a student who is just completing his studies. He has been trying online every day to collect blood for his sister Sonali. The sister is fighting for her life at Ganga Ram Hospital in Delhi. There are burn marks on their hands. The family alleged that her husband and in-laws tried to kill her by mixing poison in a cold drink. His skin was burnt with hot tongs. Again the same story, dowry was given, but more was sought. Sonali wanted to become an IPS officer. But his parents didn't spend money on his dreams. If Sonali was a police officer today, she wouldn't have been fighting a battle of life and death. Of course, financially capable women are also subjected to domestic violence and abuse. Even educated women are hesitant to break these relationships because we all believe in the primacy of marriage as an institution. If the marriage is respectful, equal and happy, it is great. But if that's not the case, are we going to sentence our daughters to death? Or the grief of a lifetime? Is talking about divorce and domestic violence so stigmatizing that in a recent survey, 31% of women said they had experienced domestic violence? Even if we go by the complaints filed, every day 18 women die due to dowry violence. Most of them are not even reported. Shouldn't our blood boil? If the marriage is respectful and happy, good. But if that's not the case, are we going to give the daughters the death penalty? Or the grief of a lifetime? Is talking about divorce so stigmatized? (This is the author's opinion)