N. Raghuraman's column: How did you handle 'teenage love' at home?

In 1958, 14-year-old Thom Steinbeck, a ninth-grader at a boarding school, wrote a letter to his father saying he had fallen in love with a girl named Susan. Tell them what they should do now. At the end of the letter, he also explained to his father not to dismiss his feelings as 'puppy love', which he himself has written about in his books. Thom was able to write such a personal letter to his father because his father, John Steinbeck, was one of America's greatest writers. He won the Nobel Prize for Literature in 1962 for bringing in the lives of ordinary people, especially labourers, migrants and families in difficult circumstances, in his books with great realism and sensitivity. His famous book 'The Grapes of Roth', based on the struggles of a family during the Great Depression, won the Pulitzer. Another popular book, 'Of Mice and Men', based on the story of two migrant labourers who dream of owning their own farm, was taught in schools around the world, including in my school. Steinbeck replied to his son, "If you're in love, that's a good thing." It's the best thing that can happen to anyone. Don't let anyone take it for granted or belittle. But at the same time, he asked the son to understand the difference between the two forms of love. A love is selfish, shackling and full of ego, in which a person starts to consider himself very important. The second, considers the front one to be unique and valuable. "First love will make you small and vulnerable. But the other will fill you with strength, courage, goodness, and wisdom that you yourself did not even know you had. ’ I have read nine of Steinbeck's books, including 'East of Eden', 'Canary Row' and 'The Pearl'. When I fell in love with my wife, I gifted her a travelogue 'Travels with Charlie', based on Steinbeck's trip to the US with his pet dog Charlie. I chose this book because my wife also had a pet dog named Snowy, who came to our house in 'dowry' after marriage. So I believe that Steinbeck has explained the challenge and gift of first love very well. First love can help you find your best self, even when your heart has been stolen and your brain has stopped working. Parents whose children are going through a teenage romance should understand that this madness is a combination of hormones and neurotransmitters. Norepinephrine tickles the stomach, adrenalin makes the palms sweat and increases oxytocin bonding. Brain studies show that the same reward circuits are active in romantic love, which is in drug addiction. Steinbeck's letter is still relevant today because it begins with respect. They did not laugh, dismiss and ignore the son's feelings. First they accepted her feelings and then explained right and wrong. Even today, this can be the most effective way for parents. Here are some practical ways to handle teenage love: 1. Don't make fun of feelings: If you make fun of them, they will stop talking to you, not making love. Then they will become dependent on friends or social media and the dangers of that you understand. 2. Listen to them before giving advice: 'Who is this boy or girl?' Instead of asking 'What made you feel about it?' or 'How does this relationship make you feel?' 3. Explain the difference between charm and character: Ask them if the person is kind, respectful, and honest? Does he encourage you to be better? The distinction that Steinbeck pointed out between selfish and generous love is more relevant in today's Instagram era than it was in 1958. 4. Take an interest in their digital life: Nowadays romance is mostly on the phone. So discuss with them the risks of privacy, online manipulation, sharing of photos, cyber-bullying, and digital footprints perpetuating. The trick is to handle it calmly like a 'well-red' person when love knocks in your life.